Erik Karlsson and his wife Melinda, heartbroken over the loss of their stillborn son, are thanking fans tonight, grateful for the love and support through an incredibly difficult time.

Sadly, theirs is a story that far too many families in our region can relate to, but one we rarely talk about.

And that is the message tonight from the families of these lost children; to recognize their grief and acknowledge their sons and daughters.

“So, this is Elijah, Allen Martin Shirey,” says Bekah Shirey, holding a photo of her son, “he was born July 29, 2017 and he was 7 pounds and 14 ounces.”

The photo captures a moment in time.  Elijah was stillborn just days before his due date.  For his parents, Elijah still matters; is still a person.

“I like to talk about Elijah, to say his name,” says Bekah, “I like to still feel that I'm his mother. He's not something that happened to me.”

In their continuing grief, Elijah's parents are offering support to others experiencing a similar loss, others like Erik and Melinda Karlsson.   They have found that support  found at Roger Neilson House through its perinatal hospice and infant loss program.  For Bekah, it's given her a community of women who calls themselves "sisters in loss."

“We stick together and support each other and guide each other through this journey,” says Bekah, “because it's a life long journey and we will never be the same but we are sisters in loss now.”

For Steve, it has helped him express his emotions and deal with his grief, something he admits many men are reluctant to do.

“I think it's important that fathers of stillborn children and lost children really find some way to connect with other fathers or counsellors of some sort through programs like the one offered at Roger Neilson House.”

Social worker Carol Chevalier says one of the misconceptions is that families don't want to talk about their infants once they've died.

“Don't be afraid to use their child's name, don't turn away from tears,” she says, “and don't think because you say the child's name, that they aren't already thinking about their child, or that they aren’t already sad because that’s with them 24 hours a day.”

Annette Goerner knows that first hand.  The CTV Ottawa Morning Live show host made a painful decision 5 years ago to terminate her first pregnancy when a rare chromosomal disorder was discovered.  She was nearly 5 months into her pregnancy when CHEO told her the fetus had something called triploidy, an extra set of chromosomes. It's a lethal condition and most pregnancies result in miscarriages or stillborns.

“It was the hardest decision I ever had to make in my life,” she says, “There’s nothing like losing a child.  You never get over it.  I needed to hear I wasn't alone and as soon as I opened up and people started talking about it, I started feeling better and I felt we would get through this, too because other people had.”

Goerner says it may be difficult for a high profile couple like the Karlssons to try to grieve their loss.  She says it’s important to let them know people are listening, that they acknowledge their son and his life and the joy he brought them.

The perinatal hospital and infant loss program at Roger Neilson House offers support programs for grieving parents but also grandparents and siblings. Carol Chevalier can be reached at cchevalier@cheo.on.ca or at 613-523-6300 extension 622.